Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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