that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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