i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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