a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
