ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
