I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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