Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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