His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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