I am in a vortex of obligation.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
