Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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