well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it because I queefed?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
