Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
