You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i think my tv is drunk
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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