i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
