I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
