i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
