4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
