omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
