Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
