my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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