walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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