did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Vodka?
Forever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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