Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
