I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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