The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
