you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
