Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
