i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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