Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
