You're my little dorito
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
