i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
