I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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