it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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