i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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