i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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