We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
