I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My feet surprised me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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