I wanna bring you to show and tell
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
