I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize