Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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