He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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