Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
