If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
