I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
