a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
two words...techno handjob
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
