I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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