I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
