Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
