Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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