The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
