She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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