i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
