I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
