Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
