break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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