Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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