I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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