she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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