Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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