I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
